we have adapted to change
• Too old for tumblr.
• Nerd of all trades, master of none.
• Co-editor of Shousetsu Bang*Bang, a webzine of original gay sexy stories.
• My Shousetsu Bang*Bang stories can be found here.
• I am beeblebabe on Livejournal and whitneyarner on Twitter.
• I like watching people do smooches. An important thing you should know about me is that I own the URL manpelt.com.
• Blog is occasionally NSFW (depending on where you work,) but I tag for that.
Signups are now open for the June 24 issue; the text deadline for the issue is Tuesday, June 18, and the art deadline is Saturday, Saturday, June 22. Please comment here if you plan to submit a story or artwork for this issue.
As always, you don’t have to sign up to participate, and you’re not creating an unbreakable contract by signing up, but throwing your name into the hat is always a good way to get that creative impulse going! Signups for the beta reader pool will be in an upcoming post.
The theme for this issue is HEROES AND VILLAINS: Calling all caped crusaders and men of steel! Your city needs you now more than ever.
(via ladysisyphus)
From volume 9, issue 42
Omar had sighed the moment he unzipped the body bag and saw the young man’s pale, placid face. You became very inured to the realities of death and mortality very quickly in this job (or you did not keep this job for very long), but it always gave him a little twinge to lay a body on the slab that had been younger than him. Although, what was the line you heard from men in nasty mid-life crises? You got older, but the corpses stayed the same age. Something like that.
He thought things like that, but what he said into the recorder as he began the examination was, “Colin Stafford, white male, age twenty-seven, height sixty-nine inches, weight one hundred ninety-two pounds.” The name and the age had been retrieved from the driver licence that had been in the wallet that was now in a plastic bag in a locker waiting for whenever they found this poor kid’s next of kin. The driver’s license had also said he was 5’10, but Omar had proper measuring instruments. Sometimes bodies shifted a little in size immediately post-mortem, but Omar had seen enough to know that 5’9 was exactly the height where men put on a slightly taller pair of shoes and lied at the DMV. The shoes he’d taken off of the former Mr. Stafford’s feet and put into a locker had just enough of a heel to them.
“Police report indicates time of death at around 11:30 AM. Current time is 3:17 PM. Subject was found collapsed in a grocery store and was unable to be revived by paramedics. Concern that COD is infectious disease.” Everyone liked to get The Stand ideas in their heads every time a seemingly healthy young person keeled over, all thoughts that swine bird cat flu was coming to fell us all in the produce aisle. Omar had protective gear covering his face, as he always did, but he didn’t think he was dealing with patient zero, here. People died. Unexpectedly. Even young handsome ones.
This is my story this round! Death, life, mental illness, pharmaceuticals, dogs, love, friendship, and more! There was a lot more here that I wish I could have gotten in to, but I just didn’t have the time or space. I hope it makes the impression I want it to make. I like it, anyway! And the art is just fantastic.
Give it a go, eh? Let me know what you think, too!
We know that no medicine is for everyone. If you suffer from an aversion to pornographic depictions of same-sex relationships (known as homophobia), don’t take SHOUSETSU BANG*BANG. Experiencing these both at the same time could cause your blood pressure to rise to an unsafe level. Talk with your doctor first about how to be a better person. Make sure you are healthy enough to enjoy reading about sex. If you have chest pain, nausea, or other discomforts during reading about sex, seek medical help right away, or just sit in a different chair.
Although erections lasting for more than four hours may occur with all treatments in this literary class, it is important to seek immediate medical attention. Erections lasting more than six hours can result in long-term loss of potency.
The most common side effects of SHOUSETSU BANG*BANG are elevated heart rate, facial flushing, and quickness of breath. Less common are retweets or reblogs, a deep desire to leave comments, or vows to contribute next time. These may occur for a short time, or they may last all the way to upcoming issues.
SHOUSETSU BANG*BANG does not protect you from diseases that can be passed on through sex. Make sure to protect yourself and your partner(s).
If you take an alpha blocker drug for high blood pressure or prostate problems, talk to your doctor. You should not take more than 25 mg of SHOUSETSU BANG*BANG and an alpha blocker within 4 hours of each other. We don’t know why; it just seems like a bad idea.
Talk to your editors to ensure that SHOUSETSU BANG*BANG is right for you.
Signups are now open for the April 29 issue; the text deadline for the issue is Tuesday, April 23, and the art deadline is Saturday, April 27. Please comment here if you plan to submit a story or artwork for this issue. As always, you don’t have to sign up to participate, and you’re not creating an unbreakable contract by signing up, but throwing your name into the hat is always a good way to get that creative impulse going!
The theme for this issue is PLAYING DOCTOR: Whether you’re suffering from a broken heart or a terminal case of handsomeness, the doctor is in.
from volume 9, issue 41
You couldn’t tell the latest generation of automata from human beings. That was common knowledge, so common in fact it was on the books as law in some countries. No disclosure required, and in any case, terribly rude to ask. You still found many of them working in the arts, hitting perfect-pitched notes and playing instruments with virtuosity, but the telltale markers of thirty or forty years ago were long gone. Your girlfriend with the perfect body and the strange light eyes was just as likely to have paid to have those features added to her flesh and blood body as she was to have had them built into her by equally mechanical hands. What was the point of trying to tell, anyway? It didn’t matter anymore.
Saif didn’t need to ask, though; he always knew. Even after all this time. He rested his forearms on the edge of the opera box and leaned forward, closing his eyes and tilting his head down over all the space between him and the orchestra below. The lead soprano, with her spirals of burnt honey hair and simply spectacular breasts, she was entirely human; the baritone singing opposite her, however, belting out profound notes from deep within his mighty beard, he was wires and circuits beneath his skin. Saif could keep himself occupied with this game for the entirety of the performance; he honestly found it a more interesting diversion than opera itself. But rituals were rituals and promises were promises. Even though his date was late, and more than just in his usual fashionable manner.
Here is my story! And I’m not saying you have to read Dead or Alive first. You could even read it after! But they are CONEEECCTTED.
from volume 9, issue 41
“You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
Saif’s voice came out muffled with the screwdriver in his teeth, and he pulled it out and flipped it into his other hand, instead. Key sighed, leaning his head back against the wall. His foot shifted an inch or two forward when he did, but though Saif frowned up at him, he didn’t seem to notice. “There is no need to exaggerate. The damage is not severe.”
“It looks bad enough from down here.” He plucked out the tiny screws from the panel in four twists, quick as a bird picking up seeds. The metal was dented so badly it had crumpled inward, and Key’s face and shoulders seemed to lose some tension at having it off. Saif caught his eyes lingering there, and forced them back down, to the tangle of wires and circuitry inside. “Doesn’t look like there was much damage on the inside, at least… Thick-skinned, you are.” Key snorted, and Saif grinned up at him in spite of himself, sniffing and arming stray hair off his sticky forehead. His gloves were covered in grease. “There’s one receptor terminal that’s barely hanging on, though. That’s probably what’s hurting you. I’ll have to replace it — brace yourself.”
Key blinked down at him, then scowled. “You have a very poor bedside manner.”
“Most of my patients don’t complain as much as you. Hold still, too.” Saif grabbed up the pliers and a pair of wire-cutters in one hand without looking, settling his spectacles back in place with the other. He only needed them for close work, but considering he practically had his nose buried in Key’s leg already — “I mean it, you know. You shouldn’t work for anyone who thinks of you as a doorstop.”my story, y’all!
:3 and Whit and I did a thing, stay tuned
we did do a thing indeed. tune it up
The Hookers and Blackjack issue is now live!
You there! Yes, you! Don’t be shy — come closer!
Is this your first time at the tables, or have you been here before? Come closer and have a seat! Have a drink on the house! Have a roll for free! This could be your lucky day!
We’ve got games aplenty: some old, some new, some familiar, some that haven’t even been invented yet, some that never will be. We’ve got games underwater, in the desert, in the city, and even all the way in space! We’ve got handsome dealers, dashing rogues, powerful businessmen, charming thieves, beautiful escorts, and more, all here, just waiting for you to draw a card. We’ve got danger, daring, excitement, adventure, high stakes, cheap thrills, blood, love, and a whole lot more — so put your chips all in! Every table tonight could be your lucky table, every draw has the chance to send you home a winner. One roll could change everything. And you know what they say: you can’t win if you don’t play.
So remember: have a good evening, don’t forget to tip your authors and artists, and if you find yourself lacking anything, just ring your bell and ask for us. We’re your Editors.
Signups are now open for the February 25 issue; the text deadline for the issue is Tuesday, February 19, and the art deadline is Saturday, February 23. Please comment here if you plan to submit a story or artwork for this issue. Artists should specify whether you’re submitting a standalone piece, offering to illustrate a story, or doing both. Artists offering to illustrate should provide either links to or thumbnails of past works as examples of style; writers wishing to collaborate with artists (or artists wishing to collaborate with writers) should respond directly to comments to this post. As always, you don’t have to sign up to participate, and you’re not creating an unbreakable contract by signing up, but throwing your name into the hat is always a good way to get that creative impulse going! Signups for the beta reader pool will be in an upcoming post.
The theme for this issue is HOOKERS AND BLACKJACK: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.If this theme does not speak to your soul, I cannot help you.
Here’s the complete schedule for 2013: themes, descriptions, deadlines, dates, and all!
FEBRUARY 25: HOOKERS AND BLACKJACK
text deadline: Tuesday, February 19
art deadline: Saturday, February 23
Build your own theme park! But remember, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
MARCH 25: TEA FOR TWO (F/F SPECIAL)
text deadline: Tuesday, March 19
art deadline: Saturday, March 23
How do you ladies take your tea? Hot? Sweet? Spiked?
APRIL 29: PLAYING DOCTOR
text deadline: Tuesday, April 23
art deadline: Saturday, April 27
Whether you’re suffering from a broken heart or a terminal case of handsomeness, the doctor is in.
JUNE 24: HEROES AND VILLAINS
text deadline: Tuesday, June 18
art deadline: Saturday, June 22
Calling all caped crusaders and men of steel: your city needs you now more than ever.
AUGUST 26: ON WRITING
text deadline: Tuesday, August 20
art deadline: Saturday, August 24
Bibliophiles, rejoice! This issue celebrates books and the people who like to create, compile, collect, critique, and/or consume them.
SEPTEMBER 23: DISTANT SHORES (ARTIST SPECIAL)
text deadline: Tuesday, September 3
art deadline: Tuesday, September 17
Our third artist special focuses on far-off places and the fun of going (or not going) there.
OCTOBER 28: MASQUERADE
text deadline: Tuesday, October 22
art deadline: Saturday, October 26
Mistaken identities? Clever disguises? Elaborate costuming? Who was that masked man?
DECEMBER 16: THEME-FREE (BIG BANG*BANG)
text deadline: Tuesday, December 10
art deadline: Saturday, December 14
And as always, if you want your big story to have its big break, December’s the month to do it: the sky’s the (word) limit.
~*~
Want to participate? It’s easy! Signup posts go up about two months before each issue, both for a nonbinding way of declaring commitment and for authors to hook up with volunteer illustrators. Regardless of whether or not you signed up beforehand, stories are due in our inbox by the Tuesday before the issue goes live, and all standalone images/illustrations are due by the Saturday before. You can find more rules and details in our mission statement.
From Volume 8, Issue 40
MARCH 7, 2012
Abraham wiped a bit of horseradish out of his beard with a paper napkin he’d swiped from some fast food joint or another. He had established quite a hoard of ill-begotten paper goods over the years, along with sugar packets, condiments, and other easily pocketed items, before he’d discovered the power of buying in bulk. Eating a roast beef sandwich didn’t merit breaking into the stash of the good stuff, though, so his crumbs were caught with stolen goods.
He took another bite and clicked on another random YouTube video. He’d started somewhere an hour or so ago with something he’d actually specifically intended to watch, but the internet being what it was and all, he’d lost time and all memory of where he’d started, and was now watching a man in a car giving a review of food he’d gotten at Arby’s. Good napkins, Arby’s.
Abraham had finished his sandwich by the time the man on the video was done singing the praises of the Arby’s Super Reuben. He was a man who’d made a lot of decisions in life based on maintaining his own personal safety and well-being, but every man was prone to moments of weakness and error. He scrolled down to read the comments on the video.Heyyy, so, this is my story for the latest ssb*b issue! I’m really proud of it. Without giving too much away, it was inspired by John Hodgman, David Wong, terminal illness, and a fear of schizophrenia. It has a fucking FANTASTIC illustration by serenity-fails, goddamn gurl.
It is not your particular usual s2b2 fluffy love story, but it does have a happi endo in its own way, and I’d be really happy if you read it. Shit, I liked this one so much I used it to come out of the Bang*Bang closet, as it were, on the twitter that my coworkers all follow. I WILL NOT BE ASHAMED OF YOU, GAY PORN RAG I RUN. YOU ARE THE BEST THING IN MY LIFEI meant to make the soundtrack for this today but I forgot. Maybe after I finish these tater tots.
Yeah, I made a soundtrack. .zip file, around 60MB. ENJOY.
And then ladysisyphus wrote a NON-CANONICAL BUT DELIGHTFUL epilogue. IN JOKEZ AND CROSSOFERSSSS
